“If we want to be loved, the way to get it is to love. If I love you, I feel wonderful. If you love me, you feel wonderful. It’s the one who loves who feels great. The happy one is the one loving, the one giving.” -Lester Levenson
Learning to replace your normal reactions with love may seem like a daunting task at first glance. It is the opposite of what you’ve been taught to do your entire life. Our socially acceptable reactions are something we’ve been taught to never question. This includes the idea that if we’re presented with a negative event, we should react negatively in kind. The fact remains, that if we learn to control and master our reaction to the outer events of life, we gain an invaluable personal power that can’t be taken away from us. The benefits to learning and mastering the art of non-reaction, or reacting with love are immense. It can mean the difference between hours spent towards achieving your ultimate goals in life or hours spent ruminating, dampening the quality of your inner peace. Practicing the art of non-reaction will allow you to reclaim your ability to be consciously unmoved by events around you. In learning this, you can gain more free space in the real estate of your inner mind.
Every negative situation we find ourselves can be viewed as a gift, given to us to learn how to better improve our reactions to similar situations in the future. The gift is in the strength added to our internal resolve and willpower as a result of accepting each situation.
The practice starts by taking any experience that would cause us to react in a negative way. In this situation, you catch yourself and pause before your normal reaction, and you mentally offer peace or love to that situation or person. In this situation, you take a moment and attempt to feel love and understanding for the person or situation. That is all it takes to start. We are training ourselves to notice the trigger point here, and replace our previous habit with a conscious intent of appreciation and gratitude. At what point were you triggered? When you notice this disruption in your peace, take a step back and use this trigger as a mark to begin practicing conscious understanding and connection to that person or situation. In training ourselves to replace negative reactions with this non-reactive understanding, we accept the other person for who they are, love them for going through the same human experience as we all are and appreciate the gift they are giving us in the opportunity to strengthen our resolve.
As long as your reactions allow you to be hurt by the words and deeds of others, your experience of the world will be in the control of other people and events.
We can’t change the things that we don’t control, but we can change the way we react to them. What I’m writing about here is your emotional reaction to the things that happen around you. When you allow someone else’s words to hurt you, or to linger in your mind, you’re giving the other person the temporary right to take control of your personal power. There are many more valuable thoughts worth having in these moments, but because we can only focus on one thing at a time, we’re giving up the positive experience we could be having for the negative experience that our reactions have created for us. Would you give the wheel of your car to someone who intends you harm? When we aren’t practicing conscious acceptance and understanding towards other people, we are giving them the right to control the steering wheel of our day.
The way to counterbalance and improve our reaction to the world around us is to train ourselves to consciously offer love and understanding to every person and event that crosses our paths.
Your car broke down? Thank god you have a car to begin with. You stubbed your toe? Thank god you have furniture to crash your foot into. Thank god you have a foot! In situations like these, I try to say ‘thank you for showing me this opportunity to stay present, so that I know in the future not to walk into things’. The habitual offering of love towards everything, every situation and person we encounter, begins by re-programming our minds and habits. You have to train your mind to react positively to negative experiences. We take the negative experience and begin “reframing it“, to view it as an opportunity for our own personal growth. I’m not saying you have to react positively every single time, that is impossible, but as you practice conscious understanding and love, you will find more peace in your life. Non-reaction, or a conscious reaction of love, becomes less of a task the more you practice it. Within a few weeks (months, etc) of practice this method simply becomes your way of life.
Turning the negativity of others into fuel for our strength actually allows us to take negative events in our lives and use them as launch pads for our own Authentic Growth.
The benefits of this practice are incredible, and compound over time. You will find that unpleasant situations bother you less. Your reactiveness will decrease as you begin seeing things from a new perspective. You will be happier, because as you give out love- you are also giving yourself the gift of experiencing that same love in return. With non-reaction, or the conscious offering of love and acceptance, you build the defense of your mental castle, the fortress of your heart, and the strength of psychic fortitude. Eents will have less power to derail you in life. You gain the ability to hold onto higher states of awareness for extended periods of time. From this point you can focus your vision like a laser pointed towards the goals you have set for yourself.
As you train yourself to practice reacting with love towards all people and events, your perception of the world becomes more and more under your conscious control. Your mind becomes calmer, your heart more connected, and your body at peace.
What will you do from this strengthened perspective? These types of practices are how we learn to love the life we have and to grow into newer and more fulfilling realities. I look forward to hearing the stories, as we build a persistent, mental sanctuary for achieving of our future goals.
Resources for Cultivating Love in Communication:
-Anthony from AuthenticGrowth.com